Being a Mom Does Not 100% Fulfill Me

We’re so conflicted as mothers. At least I know I am. I wanted to be a stay at home mom and a big part of me loves seeing my kids day to day, hour by hour, grow, change and learn to be the little people they are. It’s a beautiful thing, such an amazing gift to them, and incredibly important job paid in smooches and snuggles. But being Mom, I must admit does not 100% fulfill me.

 

motherhood
Yes I did say that out loud.
You heard it here first people. Or perhaps you’ve heard it in your own head many times before, and “Mommy Guilt” has kept you from admitting it.
.
I was single till 30, childless till 34, with a fun and exciting fast-paced career in public relations. My office window overlooked the Sunset Strip in West Hollywood. A walk to lunch with co-workers often included “Star Sightings” at The Coffee Bean or local restaurants. In fact, we had a running list posted on the office wall of all the celebs we’d see.
.
Flash forward a few years later and life is incredibly different. Not bad or worse, just very very different. In fact, I’m sitting here trying to write this as my sister-in-law babysits the kids. They keep running in to bring me toys or just to say hi. Apparently the lock on my bedroom door doesn’t work. (Learn something new every day!)
.
Taking time to write makes me feel like I have a purpose other than being Mom. And I think that’s a good thing for my mental health, and for my kids to see. The fulfillment I’ve gotten from creating this blog, added to that of being a mom, is getting me close to 100%. I believe my words and the words of courageous guest writers are helping others.
.
Raising happy children AND helping other parents, makes me a much happier person. I truly believe we need to support and empower one another and our children in this crazy, stressful and fun life called Motherhood. Drop kick the judgement people. I now completely understand why “it takes a village.” Without support, the pillars (mom & dad) would crumble and where does that leave the kids? It doesn’t matter whether its good friends, your family or even an online community, we each need our own support structure to help and inspire us. To enable us to also focus on ourselves, our passions and our marriages/relationships, just as much as we focus on the kids.
.
It can be one of the most difficult lessons to learn for moms. If we don’t treat ourselves and our marriages right, think of the example we’re showing our children. They truly do follow by example. We are their most important educators. The ole’ “do as I say, not as I do” doesn’t work with kids. I need to keep telling myself this. I need to be fulfilling my own needs, and respecting myself and my husband, in front of them. Be loving and kind to others, in front of them. Eat healthy and exercise, in front of them. And take joy in daily life, in front of them.
.
Those last few are very difficult for me because some days my own depression or anxiety or just plain old bad mood is overwhelming. That’s why on days like today, when I had the chance to have a babysitter and write, I take it. And my dear husband totally supports it. And hopefully you’ll get something out of this post because of it.
.
Does being a mom sometimes make you conflicted? Do you struggle with being happy and joyous one moment, tired and unfulfilled the next? I think that’s SO normal. Even if many of us don’t want to admit it. Being the “perfect mom” no longer means wearing a mask hearts and smiles all of the time…at least in my world. Its about being honest, genuine and OK with being “good enough” on the days when I’m not feeling perfect.
.
My kids are learning they don’t have to fake it for the world, and that’s OK with me.
About Cristi Comes

Warrior Mom. Wife. Writer. Advocate for mental health, suicide prevention, self care, self image and style. Technology and social media lover. Board of Directors, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Washington State Chapter. Editorial Team Postpartum Progress.

Comments

  1. I could not agree with you more!! I was not working in Hollywood by any means, but I never thought in a million years I would become a SAHM.
    I believe the years of women putting on the smiling faces and never showing their true desires or needs to their husband or children tantalized children views. Children would grow up (boy or girl) get married, and have their kids and then have many disappointed moments or feel so alone thinking, why am I feeling this way?? My Mom/Dad didn’t have bad days ever, they were perfect.
    I think being open and honest to your children with your husband is the most important thing. And showing them that their is a side of you that is not just Mommmy, or even just Daddy’s woman. Show children what real happiness is, that there are days sadness creeps in and show them the best way to shrug it off properly!
    Good blog, I truly enjoyed it!

    • Thank you Natalie! I’m so glad you enjoyed it. I agree with you completely about the past. Those “life is always grand” examples don’t always help you in the real world. So glad to live in the future. :)

  2. Alison@Mama Wants This says:

    I worked in PR too, and had many a glamorous day (though nowhere close to working in Hollywood!) and now I stay at home with my son. I chose to do that and I love it, but as you say, sometimes, I just feel so unfulfilled and overwhelmed. And I feel guilty for feeling that. I’m fortunate I have great in-laws who are happy to babysit EVERYDAY so I can get some me time. I do veer between happy and well, just blah. I read a quote that said, “There’s no one way to be a perfect Mom, but there are a million ways to be a good one.” I tell myself that all the time. Thanks for highlighting this common issue!

    • Yes, mama guilt is so easy to get and very hard to get rid of. I’m VERY jealous you have that much regular help. So wonderful. Thank you so much for reading and commenting Alison! Take care, and keep being a good mom. No one’s perfect. !!

  3. You’re right, I do relate. I always feel so much better hearing this from other moms, even though no matter how much I do I still always think it’s just me that feels this way.

  4. I’d love to just take your words and use them for myself. :) Thank you!
    Jae recently posted..Thoughts Regarding TherapyMy Profile

  5. I’m standing up and applauding. I can so relate to this.
    Jen recently posted..Me too moments – the magic of LTYMMy Profile

  6. Hey Cristi! WOW ! Love this article! I have many of the same feelings! You had a big life before kids and also your values about your family…how beautiful you get to do both at different tiems in your life! take care, Kathy
    BirthTouch.com (@KathyAMorelli) recently posted..Holistic body lotions for stretch marks – make your own!My Profile

  7. Love this! It is so true and so many women are afraid or ashamed to admit it. I ALWAYS wanted to be a SAHM, but it was nothing like what I envisioned. It was the right choice for me in the long run, but that doesn’t mean every moment of every day was wonderful and fulfilling. Blogging has helped me to feel more fulfilled and I started a part time job today! :-)
    Lisa @ The Golden Spoons recently posted..Tuesday Ten Linkup – Things I Should Say More OftenMy Profile

  8. “Good enough” could be my mantra in life. It may not help me be the very best in any category, but I am content, and my family is happy. We are all GOOD ENOUGH.
    Amy – Funny Is Family recently posted..Why I Love MorningsMy Profile

  9. Thank you, Cristi for writing this. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed. I love my daughter and being home with her, but as much as I lover her being a mom I sometimes feel like I need more to be fulfilled. There is so much pressure to be the “super” mom to be able to do everything well — to keep the house clean, to keep the baby happy and away from the TV, and, in our case, to hold a job while doing it. It’s overwhelming. Someone yelled at me that I was “lazy” because, instead of cleaning the house, I chose to take some time for myself away from trying to do my job and watching my baby. It hurt. A lot. The “super mom” ideal and the idea that being a mom and keeping a clean house should just “fulfill” me is so wrong.
    Kat recently posted..What is Hanai? The Story of My Hanai SisterMy Profile

  10. Oh you are so, so not alone in feeling this way. Love the honesty and thank you for being real and sharing it with us. And side note that isn’t relevant–you look ADORABLE in that picture!
    Meredith recently posted..Commercial BreakMy Profile

Speak Your Mind

*

CommentLuv badge