I’m not a bad mom because I need my fifteen minutes first. #notabadmom

#notabadmom is back! And today I’d like to welcome Tracie to the blog. I just love this post because we can so easily feel guilty putting ourselves first as moms. But unless we speak up, get our needs met and feel our best, we can’t be our best for our families. Don’t you agree? Thank you Tracie for sharing your experiences with us!

Also, just FYI, I’m putting out an open invite the the #notabadmom Thursday series. If you’d like to contribute your story, please email me at cristicomes@gmail.com. Thanks!

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There was a great moment in the show Everyone Loves Raymond where the wife explained how hard it is to talk to her husband, “When I need to talk to Ray about my feelings or our children, I know I have until the commercial’s over. That gives me 30 seconds. And if there’s a girl in the commercial, or a truck with big wheels, or, God forbid, a monkey, forget it!”

There is a lot of truth in that line. I have often felt as though I’m competing with everything from my husband’s tiredness, to the tv, to our daughter, for bits and pieces of his attention. And as a mom who homeschools, I need that adult interaction at the end of the day.

A regular evening in my home: My husband comes home from work, and as we try to talk about our day, our daughter pops in and out of the conversation with observations, comments, and stories of her own. I have things to say, and so does she. Quickly that conversation turns into dinnertime, which turns into family reading or tv time, and my husband is asleep within minutes of his head touching the pillow.

In a perfect world, we would have family time in the evening, and after our daughter was in bed, my husband and I would have time to talk. But that just isn’t our reality right now. Most nights we have limited family time, and time spent together as a couple is rare. After a long, hard day cutting trees, my husband is often the first person to fall asleep.

I started feeling shut down. Family time felt like chaos to me. I didn’t feel like I was being heard or that my voice mattered. It also didn’t help that when my husband is interrupted mid-thought he forgets what he is trying to say, and I was left with half-told stories and unanswered questions. I found myself becoming quickly annoyed at my family every evening, and grumpy was becoming my normal state.

They heard me (it turns out my voice does matter to them, and they actually listen pretty well; also they love me). And we made a change.

I know fifteen minutes doesn’t sound like a big thing or a long time (and there are days when we go over fifteen), but I have realized we can say a lot to each other when we are alone and uninterrupted.