The Mom Body Image Roller Coaster.
I’ve struggled with depression for many years. And with it my weight.
And of course pregnancy and motherhood brings on a whole new level of mental and physical challenges.
Back in 2005 when my husband and I were trying to conceive our first child (for a year) my sadness crept in and my weight crept up. We finally sought fertility treatments and thanks to IUI, I conceived Ronin (now almost 5). I absolutely weighed more than I wanted to at that point, close to 200 lbs.
I’m 5’8″ and my ideal weight is around 150-160, a perfect size 10. I’ll never be a size 2 and that’s OK with me.
With my first pregnancy, I gained somewhere in the vicinity of 60 to 70 lbs. I truly stopped counting I was so disappointed in myself. After Ronin’s birth I was right around 230 lbs and lost my confidence. Its not about a number, but more about the way I felt.
Ends up part of the weight issue was related to my antidepressant medication. I changed from one med to another and lost 20lbs in less than a month. It was just THAT medicine.
This was just prior to trying to conceive again. With Ellie I was on a better medication and they discovered I had pregnancy-induced hypothyroidism. With the combination of taking synthroid and healthy eating (I ate A LOT of Dairy Queen during pregnancy #1), I only gained 12 lbs. Again, it wasn’t about the number. I was already overweight and didn’t need to gain very much. It was about how I felt, which was much better at 40 weeks pregnant and 212 lbs.
Ellie is now 2 1/2. My weight went down a bit post pregnancy but then started creeping back up again after another change of meds and bouts of postpartum depression and mania.On the Left: May 20, 2012
On the Right: August 10, 2012