The Mom Body Image Roller Coaster.
I’ve struggled with depression for many years. And with it my weight.
And of course pregnancy and motherhood brings on a whole new level of mental and physical challenges.
Back in 2005 when my husband and I were trying to conceive our first child (for a year) my sadness crept in and my weight crept up. We finally sought fertility treatments and thanks to IUI, I conceived Ronin (now almost 5). I absolutely weighed more than I wanted to at that point, close to 200 lbs.
I’m 5’8″ and my ideal weight is around 150-160, a perfect size 10. I’ll never be a size 2 and that’s OK with me.
With my first pregnancy, I gained somewhere in the vicinity of 60 to 70 lbs. I truly stopped counting I was so disappointed in myself. After Ronin’s birth I was right around 230 lbs and lost my confidence. Its not about a number, but more about the way I felt.
Ends up part of the weight issue was related to my antidepressant medication. I changed from one med to another and lost 20lbs in less than a month. It was just THAT medicine.
This was just prior to trying to conceive again. With Ellie I was on a better medication and they discovered I had pregnancy-induced hypothyroidism. With the combination of taking synthroid and healthy eating (I ate A LOT of Dairy Queen during pregnancy #1), I only gained 12 lbs. Again, it wasn’t about the number. I was already overweight and didn’t need to gain very much. It was about how I felt, which was much better at 40 weeks pregnant and 212 lbs.
Ellie is now 2 1/2. My weight went down a bit post pregnancy but then started creeping back up again after another change of meds and bouts of postpartum depression and mania.
On May 20 of this year I attended the Seattle Mom Prom, a fabulous charity “girls night out” to benefit Postpartum Support International of WA. I stuffed myself into my prom dress and did have a good time, but when I saw the “prom photos” I felt so sad. I didn’t look or feel the way I wanted. I had been struggling emotionally and physically for several months. And seeing those pictures (and talking with a good friend Julie) helped me commit to making a change.
On May 21st I weighed 193 lbs and started a new diet with my husband and some good friends. Today is August 30 and I’m down 25.6 lbs to 167.4. Again, its not specifically about a number. Its more the way I feel.
I’ve gained more confidence.
I’ve had a wonderful support system and bond with my husband and friends as we take this journey TOGETHER.
I’m more motivated. The house chores are getting done more often. I’m actually blogging.
I’m happier. I’m not dreading the sun rise anymore.
And my husband has been bragging about me, how happy and motivated I’ve been, and the way I look too. That feels really good.
I’ve even been able to go through old boxes of pre-kid clothes and find things that fit me again! Score!
This week I also had the chance to attend a local Lee Jeans “Find Your Fit” Style Party in the Seattle area. This was especially exciting for me right now because of the weight loss. When I started losing weight in May I was a size 16 and just recently I’ve been fitting into size 12! It was a lot of fun talking to the Lee Stylist and trying on several pairs of Lee’s Fall Line of jeans. I ended up with a Size 12 “Perfect Fit Mila Boot Cut” jean in dark denim. They have this awesome mesh lift and shape panel around the tummy.
What do you think of my new jeans?
In a future post I’ll share a bit more with you about exactly how my husband and I have lost the weight. I’ve had several friends asking for details and I’ve been sharing info and links privately. But I figure, its working for me, and might work for you. So I’m happy to share. :) (Click HERE for my post about HOW we lost the weight.)
Oh and a little style tip I learned from the Lee Stylist. Gold is IN for Fall. Gold jewelry, gold accessories, bags, purses, shoes, whatever. She said to go for gold!