I can’t even begin to tell you how long its been since I’ve blogged. In some ways I’ve missed it, but mostly I look back and see how this blog became an obsession that fed my own mental health issues, bringing out the manic side. I don’t know about you but I tend to throw myself into my passions with such fervor (and I suppose mania) that I quickly burn the candle at both ends and then burn out. And I hate that about me.
But it is what it is.
This year I’ve stepped back from so much in the digital world. I occasionally tweet but mostly to just retweet things I see that are important or interesting, and on occasion touch base with friends. I still personally Facebook, but even that has been less activism and more family focused.
At end of 2011/beginning of 2012 I was struggling emotionally. I was depressed AGAIN. I dreaded the sun rise. It meant facing another day. So I worked with my doctor and adjusted my meds, stepped back from stress as much as I could and lived in real life instead of online.
And holy hell its been a crazy year!
In May, I got arrested.
I got arrested, handcuffed and into the back of a police car and booked at the station. I was never actually in jail thank heavens. It was all SO stupid and simply because of a clerical error. I couldn’t believe it! I was so shocked and confused. But thankfully now its all been fixed and is no longer on my record. But talk about STRESS, and expected expense.
Then I dropped my phone in the toilet. Erg. Stupid. stupid.
And THEN my 4 year old, being a curious 4 year old caused a major flood in our home. We had to move out for a couple of weeks while demo and repairs ensued. Our insurance was fantastic and really took care of us. (State Farm rocks by the way.) But for 6 weeks we lived in a steady stream of workers and dust and piles of crap in boxes. Stress, stress and more stress! (Not to mention more unexpected expense…our deductible was not cheap.)
But somehow I made it through all of THAT emotionally strong and stable. Don’t get me wrong, I had my moments. But overall I handled it all and still looked forward to the sunrise each day.
For me, it came down to this…
#1 I had the right balance of meds.
#2 I focused on myself and my family. Even with all of the stress and expenses, I truly appreciated that fact that we have each other, we’re healthy and we have so much love in our lives.
#3 I took charge of my physical health and successfully started a new diet. I’ve lost 22 lbs since May, and I feel great, proud, strong and confident.
I still have my moments of course. And I always will.
And I still have guilt for stepping away from the blog. I do want to be active in advocating for mental health and suicide prevention. I really really do. Its still so very important to me. But not at the expense of my own sanity.
I just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking of you, wishing you well and hoping for good mental health for all. You just might see me posting a bit more here and especially on Facebook and Twitter as I come across good info online.
And please feel free to comment here or email me at email@example.com if you ever want to chat, vent or need advice.